SS1: “I Must”

LIAM’S POV

He realized the truth during that summer before he became a senior. He was on a trip away from home (New Orleans LA) in Miami with some friends including Adam and his girlfriend. (They’ve been together for two months now) Liam was standing on the beach looking around when he suddenly received an epiphany. There he was on a beach full of half naked girls but the only one he was truly looking at was Kandy. She was perhaps the most beautiful girl on the beach that day, but Liam realized that it wasn’t love he was feeling but rather a physical attraction. Liam has had many sexual experiences in the past whenever he would test his flirting/seducing skills that he learnt from his tutor but he was never truly attracted to those girls even though they were beautiful in their own right.

Then he remembered what his tutor told him one time: “Love is just compromised of various chemical reactions occurring within the head. There are three stages. First is Lust: lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, and these hormones get you looking for anything. The 2nd stage is Attraction: this is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover. In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called ‘monoamines’ play an important role: Dopamine, Norepinephrine and Serotonin. The 3rd stage is Attachment: This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn’t possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they’d never get any work done! Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments: Oxytocin and Vasopressin. Though the transition from each stage all depends on the desires from each of the respecting individuals. So in reality, you, yourself, gets to decide whether or not you want to continue a relationship.”

Liam sat down and acknowledged to himself that he was now indeed attracted to Kandy even though she was Adam’s girlfriend, and it was strictly in the physical sense….hopefully. So he thought out his next course of action for hours on end. He decided that the most logical course of action that would allow Adam to stay with Kandy and get rid of his physical attraction to her was to sleep with her once and get it over with. He figured this was the only way since he wanted his friend to be happy, while simultaneously, he wanted to satisfy his desire. After all, he was still in the first stage of lust.

The only problem was that Adam could not know. Liam felt conflicted, which was a relatively new feeling. Logic dictated that he act on his desire in order to rid himself of the distraction (Kandy), but a voice in his head said “no its wrong, you’ll hurt your friend”. Liam didn’t know what was wrong with getting what you wanted since he always got what he wanted, but he still hesitated as if he was on the verge of figuring out why it was indeed wrong. It was like having an angel on one shoulder whispering in your ear and a devil on the other.

The months leading up to spring break, Liam began to get closer to Kandy. He would always try to talk with her when she was alone and he would always employ various flirting maneuvers that his tutor taught him. At first she didn’t respond well to Liam’s advances due to him being Adam’s best friend, but whenever he would throw around his money for her, and always drive her around she slowly but surely began to open up to him.

It was the day before that trip and Liam was sure that he progressed far enough with Kandy, to the point where she wouldn’t mind having some 1 on 1 time with him. He called her up hoping he could take her out to dinner and maybe bring her over to his place, but she replied with a text telling him she was busy watching a movie with Adam. Liam wanted her. The past few months found him liking Kandy even more than before and he didn’t know why. He’s never actually liked someone, but when it was with Kandy he couldn’t help himself.

Maybe if I just sleep with her once I won’t feel anything for her afterwards he thought to himself. It always happened before. He would see an attractive girl, spend some with her and then she would throw herself to him after the ride in his dad’s Neo-Lamborghini and the 5-star restaurant diner. Then later on that morning he would leave without any feelings attached. Yes, he thought, Once I sleep with her, I’m sure I won’t feel anything else towards her.

The next day was upon them and so was the graduation trip to Cordoba, Spain. Liam and Adam both decided to have conjoined rooms so they could still hang out together after everyone left. Onboard the flight heading to Cordoba, everyone sat wherever they wanted since the whole airplane was reserved for their trip, resulting with Adam in the middle row middle seat sandwiched with Liam and Kandy on both sides.

Liam felt strange watching Adam hold Kandy while playfully whispering in her ear. He understood that Adam is officially Kandy’s boyfriend, but whenever he saw him touch her or make her laugh, his hand would unconscionably twitch, and his lips would form into a straight line. He wanted to quickly get up and pull Kandy away from Adam, but he remained seated. Taking deep breaths Liam calmed himself. He sat back and restrained himself from moving while never moving his eyes away from Kandy. Jealousy. It was a new feeling but an old concept he reviewed with his tutor. “Jealousy is based in fear not in love,” his tutor told him, “a little bit of jealousy can indicate a little sense of threat or fear is occurring.” It hit Liam like a blow to the face, he was afraid of losing her to Adam.

Liam had to reconsider everything from the beginning. He first took interest in Kandy during his freshman year thinking nothing of it. Then he thought he felt lustful towards her when he saw her at the beach last sumer with no emotional attachments and now after spending the past 7-8 months cozying up to her and thinking of nothing but her, he was starting to feel jealous of what Adam had. Can I already be past the first stage of love? he thought. Am I already attracted to her?

While pondering over his attraction towards Kandy, Liam looked up to see Kandy walking towards her seat after having a word with the teachers in first class. He looked up and she looked down. Their eyes met and she smiled. Euphoria filled every possible space in Liam body and he fell into a state of bliss. Without realizing, Liam found himself wearing a genuine smile beaming right back at Kandy. Such joy from just a simple smile. Ahh, so this is how it feels to have Dopamine, Norepinephrine and Serotonin released into my system. he thought. Having all of his doubts removed, Liam’s head felt clearer. He now knew that nothing less than having Kandy for himself would satisfy his desires. I must, he thought determinedly, I must steal her for myself. Without thought to the despair he would cause his close friend he came to the ultimate decision. The answer came naturally to Liam. After all, what Liam wants, Liam takes.

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About tmbrakta

Just wanna write about what I always daydream when I'm sitting in class bored staring at the ceiling or on my way back home on the crowded public bus. Imagination grows off my boredom, and now its grown to the point where I'll forget it all unless I get it on paper or in this case, on a blog. Hope you Enjoy.
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